The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
