weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
