Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
