Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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