I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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