Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
