8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
