He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
