Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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