Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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