i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
