Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
