If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
