I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
