Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
