i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
