it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
