Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we're making bets on your personal life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't deserve a penis
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
