Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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