My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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