Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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