I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
