wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
