yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
