just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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