Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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