The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
