I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
