so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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