Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
