Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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