Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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