I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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