Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
