absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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