the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
