He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
