i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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