So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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