Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
