Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
