I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
