She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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