so that wasnt chicken after all
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
