I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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