she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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