hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
