I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
well you can't waste a boner
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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