your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
