Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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