..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
