The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
