i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
