I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
