my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
