he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
