You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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