I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
