their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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