Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
