Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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