Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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