When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
