I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
