I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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