So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
her vagine was all disorganized.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
