ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
