Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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